Such a huge word. Unless one has been there, one cannot understand what it really means. The loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, big or small, the loss of finances, and the loss of a pregnancy. You never can say that you understand what someone is going through unless you have been there your self. I, sadly, experienced the first and the last. I will elaborate on the pregnancy.
My husband and I have been trying for a forth and last child for a few months and the month of march we were successful. We were very excited to say the least. My youngest is 3 1/2, so it's been a while since I've been pregnant. I couldn't wait to start showing. I found out on April 1st, so there were alot of people that didn't believe me. But 3 days after I found out I started having problems. Things that shouldn't happen when you are pregnant. I won't go into it, but it just wasn't right. Tuesday morning I woke up and felt a little better, but I decided to call my Dr. anyway. Well I found out that he wasn't doing Ob/GYn anymore and I was crushed. Not only was I scared and crying, but the doctor that delivered my 2 previous babies wasn't gonna be there for me to deliver my forth child. I was told I should go to the ER, so that's what I did. Long story short, it was confirmed that I had a miscarriage. I honestly couldn't believe it was real. I cried a little, but mostly my emotions consisted of depression and small amounts of grief. I was fine during the day when I was taking care of my kids, but at night when Ben and the kids had gone to bed and it was just me, that's when it was the worst. I know people have got to be thinking, 'well if you already have 3 kids, then you should just be thankful for them.' Yes, I am thankful for my 3 beautiful, wonderful kids. But that doesn't mean I'm not heart-broken about loosing this baby. It's so hard not to think each and EVERY Sunday, 'Well I'd be 6 weeks this week', or 'I'd be 8 weeks today.'
But I have slowly gotten better and I don't think about it quite as much as before. I keep in the back of my mind that we are gonna try again and Jesus is always good.
Oh Joanna, I am so sorry. Just let Jesus comfort you. I found when I lost 2 babies of my own that no one could comfort me like he could. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it does get better. It always hurts a little, and there is always a little hole in your heart but it does get better. My testimony about the losses are on my blog if you want to read it.
ReplyDeletewww.hismerciesneverfail.blogspot.com
Love you and miss you! Remember the infamous blueberry fight.. my mama still gets mad when we bring it up!
Thanks so much Megan! Those words mean so much to me. And you are so right. Jesus is the only one who can provide comfort after such a situation.
ReplyDeleteThat blueberry fight was crazy! LOL!! I forgot about it til you reminded me. Love and miss you too!