Such a huge word. Unless one has been there, one cannot understand what it really means. The loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, big or small, the loss of finances, and the loss of a pregnancy. You never can say that you understand what someone is going through unless you have been there your self. I, sadly, experienced the first and the last. I will elaborate on the pregnancy.
My husband and I have been trying for a forth and last child for a few months and the month of march we were successful. We were very excited to say the least. My youngest is 3 1/2, so it's been a while since I've been pregnant. I couldn't wait to start showing. I found out on April 1st, so there were alot of people that didn't believe me. But 3 days after I found out I started having problems. Things that shouldn't happen when you are pregnant. I won't go into it, but it just wasn't right. Tuesday morning I woke up and felt a little better, but I decided to call my Dr. anyway. Well I found out that he wasn't doing Ob/GYn anymore and I was crushed. Not only was I scared and crying, but the doctor that delivered my 2 previous babies wasn't gonna be there for me to deliver my forth child. I was told I should go to the ER, so that's what I did. Long story short, it was confirmed that I had a miscarriage. I honestly couldn't believe it was real. I cried a little, but mostly my emotions consisted of depression and small amounts of grief. I was fine during the day when I was taking care of my kids, but at night when Ben and the kids had gone to bed and it was just me, that's when it was the worst. I know people have got to be thinking, 'well if you already have 3 kids, then you should just be thankful for them.' Yes, I am thankful for my 3 beautiful, wonderful kids. But that doesn't mean I'm not heart-broken about loosing this baby. It's so hard not to think each and EVERY Sunday, 'Well I'd be 6 weeks this week', or 'I'd be 8 weeks today.'
But I have slowly gotten better and I don't think about it quite as much as before. I keep in the back of my mind that we are gonna try again and Jesus is always good.
