As the day draws closer...

So it's getting closer and closer to that day.  The day that was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life.  The happiness that was so shockingly stolen from my life.  My original due date for Oliver.  October 20th is getting closer.  It seems that it looms over me like a bad shadow.

A few days ago I received a care package from Erin and Darryl Phillips.  They founded and run Ayden's Foundation of Hope out of Slidell, LA.  Their 3.75 year old son, Ayden, fell into a pool and didn't survive. They took their grief and pain and turned it into something great.  A foundation for people like me who have lost children.  In the box was a plethora of books on grief and what it is to lose a child and also Steven Curtis Chapman's album Beauty Will Rise.  A whole CD on the loss of his and  his wife's child Maria.  I listened to the whole CD today and the tears have flowed.  And I'm at work too.  I've been praying that I don't get any knocks while my face is all red and puffy.

Basically the CD talks about grief and how horrible it is to lose a child, no matter what age.  And then something amazing happens.  In each song, it goes into how much greater God is than the grief that you are going through.  I so needed that today.  I haven't had a bad day in a long time and I don't want to consider today a bad day.  Just a few bad moments.

There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't think of my baby boy.  I try to imagine what he is doing right now.  I can imagine that he is running around with other babies that didn't make it here on earth.  I imagine that he is playing with Ayden and doing little boy things.  I like to think that there is dirt in Heaven and if there is he is elbow deep in a puddle of mud, mixed with dirt and water from the Sea of Forgetfulness.  I can imagine he's asking the Angels why he can't fly and to please teach him.  I can imagine that Martin is sort of his care taker if that sort of thing exists in Heaven.  I imagine his getting acquainted with all the animals that we have lost in the past, including our dog Neal that we lost last month.  I imagine that he is walking around with his brother and sister that have gone before him.  And then comes the greatest picture of all.  My imagination goes to the day when I get to see him face to face again and his features have matured and he looks like  the little Poole baby that he is.  Round little face.  Blonde hair that's almost white and little hands.  Little hands that he uses to put on each side of my face so that when he does, we are staring at each other eye to little blue eye.  He has a serious look that breaks into a smile and sweetly ask me, "What took you so long mom?"  I joyfully look back at him and take in that amazing face and I say, "I was just waiting on Jesus, Baby."
And then we walk off together, myself, Ben, Ty, Carter and Maci and the other two babies that I have never met and they never leave my side.

So as it gets closer to my due date, I also have to remember that the day gets closer that Jesus will come back and get us all. 


Live Greatly, Love Softly

Gardner Family

I've known Marissa for about seven months.  I met her for the first time when I opened the studio.  Probably about 3 months after, she asked me to do some family photos.  Great family!








Live Greatly, Love Softly

Ferrell Family

I've known the Ferrell family for a while, but had never been to their house or spent any real time with them.  Carter, who is the same age as Rhonda and Scotty's son, Grant, has spent time with Grant.  But besides that, it was just a passing hi or a wave.  I was happy that their daughter, Shelby, asked me to come and do their family photos along with Zane's, (her older brother), senior photos. 

I really didn't take all that many of the family.  They just wanted a group shot and a shot of the 3 kids.  So Basically that's what we did.  But I thought they turned out well.  I even got a smile out of Grant, which I was told normally doesn't happen.


Live Greatly, Love Softly

Adam and Cindy: Brother and Sister shoot

I met Cindy and Adam when I was shooting her Cindy's boyfriend's senior shoot.  Both are great looking kids.  And I think their personalities match.  Adam didn't really get into what he wants to do when he graduates from high school, but Cindy let me know that modeling is what she wants to get into.  I may not know much about the modeling world, but I think she could make it.  She was at ease in front of the camera and one of the easiest shoots I've had.  I really didn't have to give her any direction at all.  She was a natural.














Live Greatly, Love Softly

Vacation 2012 Part 4: Train Ride, Bear Country U.S.A. and Sturgis, SD

For as long as I can remember my middle son, Carter, has had a huge thing for trains.  He loved Thomas for a long time and is just now growing out of it.  But regardless he loved the opportunity to ride a real steam locomotive.  He could not wait for it to get going.

I asked him to show me his "excited riding a train face".  Boy did he ever.


Things we saw out of the window,





The next stop on our way was Bear Country U.S.A.  I LOVE this place!!!  All the adult bears you can handle, (and a few other animals), and then they have this place called Babyland.  It's ridiculous how cute Baby Bears are. 



BABIES!!!

Baby bears suck on each other's ears for pacifiers.


This is the same bear.  Not two different bears beside one another.


And my husband's favorite part of the whole trip:

We had just missed the rally by a week and I have to say I am quite glad.  It was quiet and calm and a nice walk.  The town is dead when the rally isn't going on.


On the way back to the campsite we took a scenic byway home.  It was through Spearfish Canyon.
If you've ever been that way, you know exactly what I'm talking about when I say the whole thing looks like a Thomas Kincaid painting.


Well that's the last of the photos from Vacation 2012.  I have to say, if you get a chance to go, do not fly.  If you don't have time to drive, don't go.  It's a beautiful drive and it shouldn't be replaced by flight.  Make sure you have lots of time because there is so much scenic stuff to see.  We ran out of time.  We didn't even get to see Devil's Tower or the highway where the wild burrows are or even Crazy Horse.  I hope you enjoyed all the photos.  Next post:  Cindy and Adam, Brother and sister shoot.


Live Greatly, Love Softly

Vacation 2012 Part 3: Needles Highway and Mt. Rushmore

Mt. Rushmore.  What American, or foreigner for that matter, doesn't know what that is and I'm sure that the same picture comes to mind when we all think of it.  When I was given the opportunity this summer to go, I have to say I didn't immediately jump on it.  The fact that I had to camp and in a tent, no less, kinda swayed my excitement.  And part of me didn't believe we were going until we had hit the road leaving from Iowa.  Yes, it took me that long to believe it.  But, alas, we did get to go.  But before we saw Mt. Rushmore, we headed down Needles Highway.  I had never, in my life, heard of Needles Highway.  But Ben's aunt insisted that we see it, even though it was already on our agenda.  Even as we were leaving her driveway in Iowa, she stuck her head in the window and with an eerie whisper, she said, "NEEEEEDLESSSS HIIIIIIIGHWAAAAAY".  I know, Creepy. 
So Needles was where we were headed.
There are so many places to stop and look along the way and there are these tiny tunnels where only one car gets through at a time.  If you are very claustrophobic, then I think you should close your eyes while going through.  The good thing is that they aren't very long at all.  The longest one we went through took us like 3 seconds.  And make sure to honk as you are going through so other cars will know that you are coming out.


The rock formations on the road are amazing.  I didn't really have a first thought because I was speechless.  I think wow was my main word and thought throughout the whole trip.  And rightfully so.


So as I said in the previous post, Tyler and Carter love to climb on rocks.  I think it's built into a boys DNA to love things like this.  They were more than excited when they found out there was a place to stop so they could do some more climbing.  Oh, I forgot to mention, my husband loved it just as much as they did.  But my boys climbed in flip-flops.



The place where we stopped for the longest is the home of the Needles Eye.  I'm guessing this formation was made by the wind.  It's the photo to the left.  And it took me a minute to find it.  You don't just see it.  You have to look up and be standing in the right place.  Thank goodness for the sign right below it.  (That was in a sarcastic tone.  I wasn't feeling to bright that day and it showed)

And the other is a very rare family photo.  But at this point into the trip, my kids were all photo'd out.




The photo on the bottom is why it's called Needles Highway.  These formations are along the road.


Ever see the movie Nation Treasure 2:  Book of Secrets?  The scene where Nick Cage reaches his hand inside the rock and pretends that he gets bitten?  That was filmed at Sylvan Lake, The place in the top photo.


Mt. Rushmore just wasn't that exciting for my kids.  And I really can't expect much more from a 5 year old, a 6 year old, and an 8 year old.  They just didn't understand what went into carving four detailed faces into the side of a mountain made of granite.  But I totally got it.  Again I was overwhelmed.  I think I stood in one place and stared for 20 minutes.  It was beautiful!!






Just a couple of different views.


Concerning Mt. Rushmore, it's truly amazing to see what people can do with God's amazing works and I really do hope to go back one day.  If you get the chance to go, do no pass it up. 
Up next in Part 4,  Our train ride on a real steam locomotive, Bear Country U.S.A. (Baby Bears!!!), and Sturgis!!


Live Greatly, Love Softly

Vacation 2012 Part 2: The Badlands

So if you aren't into jagged, rugged peaks jutting up out of the earth I just might say The Badlands aren't for you.  I have never really thought that was true beauty.  I was WRONG!  If you don't wanna see lots and lots of photos of the Badlands, then you might wanna stop reading.

One of my motto's in life is, "Don't let other people make opinions for you."  Decide for yourself.   And I just started living by it about ten years ago.  I am so glad I did.  If you would've asked me ten years ago if I wanted to take a vacation and include the Badlands in my sightseeing, I would've turned you down pretty quickly.  I'm so glad I changed my mind set.  The Badlands were beyond beautiful.  There are no words for the gorgeous I got to see.
We drove into Badlands National Park and I knew I was going to see greatness, but I had no idea how great.  Let's just say tears.  That's what happened when I stepped out of the vehicle.  Lots and lots of tears.  I should've brought a tissue with me.  I think Ben thought I had hurt myself some how.  All of the beauty before me was overwhelming.  I couldn't hold in my awe and when it came out, it came out in the form of tears.  The pictures that you are about to see do not, by any means, do the Badlands justice.  I tried to capture them in the best way possible.



They were all pretty far away from me.  I zoomed in as much as I could.






He went from not wanting to take a photo to Hey mom please take some pictures of me.


Then he decided to take some with me.  My heart was very happy.






And my husband convinced me to get in front of the camera.  It rarely happens.  But I thought he did a good job taking photos of me. I'm very critical of my own photos.








We were all in the car for a while, as we drove through the park.  Naturally the kids were complaining about their legs hurting and Tyler wanted to climb on some rocks.  We came across a good place to get out and walk around.


The kids look so small here compared to the rocks.  Maybe it shows some perspective.



These two peaks are my absolute favorite.



 



I will never forget driving through the park and I hope one day we will all get to return.  I now have a new love for the Badlands.  Next up... Needles Highway and Mt. Rushmore.


Live Greatly, Love Softly